Today I went to therapy. Again, I feel very guilty about my behavior. Ashamed. It’s really difficult, I feel like I’m trying to manipulate her to work more at the practice. At the moment she works only one day a week, and I’m angry about it. I wish she was more at the practice … . I gave her a really bad feeling, so I feel very bad. Guilty. And I’m afraid she’s gonna leave me again.
At the moment we’re thinking about doing an all-in therapy: being a full-time patient in a psychiatry to work on my problems. But since I have to finish my master degree and I have to work, this is nearly impossible. I think it’s a good idea to work on myself, it’s an “investment” but I cannot quit al these things.
I’m also in a lot of physical pain. My body hurts. It feels like I’ve been sporting all day (Ftr: I haven’t). I’m going to take a painkiller before I’m going to sleep.
A few days ago I started taking Vitamine D pills. I was thinking about light therapy but it was too expensive, so that’s why. Maybe it is the placebo-effect, but sometimes I feel like it’s working already.
Oh. And I also got news about my job: there aren’t enough working hours available, so I have to look for another job. I feel bad about this, I don’t want to leave there.
I’m hungry, but I don’t have any food here. Not in the mood to go and buy something though.
No idea what I’m going to do tomorrow. Not in the mood to do anything anymore.